Screwtape's SCA Letters, IX

My Dear Wormwood,

So it has come about as I have predicted. Your man has completed the probation Count Gray put on him, and is now a squire. He constantly strives to behave, not as knights act, but -- and this is much worse -- as knights ought to act. Your efforts to lead him astray were valiant, creative and unsuccessful.

How unfortunate -- for you. Here below, as you must realize, we are none so sentimental or forgiving as to acknowledge " a good try" . We reward success, and punish failure, each in extreme fashion. I would have expected you to be unable to forget this.

It now remains to consider what next. I know that you see this patient going the same route as your previous, as well you might, but panic will not improve your prospects. If he must be a squire, focusing his entire being on becoming the best possible knight that he can, then just let him.

That's right, let him! Let him be a glorious, virtuous knight honored and respected throughout the realm -- on the weekends.

How is he spending the rest of his time? Just because his attention is focused entirely on the SCA doesn't mean yours must be. There is much you can yet do, and his aspirations for knighthood will be no shield to him; indeed it will be even more amusing when he arrives here.

Do you have him neglecting his work for the SCA? Is he not spending computer time in his office on kingdom correspondence? Does he not take off early on Fridays and come in late on Mondays because of events? Does he not spend time on the clock designing armor and costumes?

But this isn't all. He doesn't hold doors open in his office, does he? He's not painfully scrupulous if some cashier gives him too much change, is he? He's not unfailingly courteous to everyone he meets downtown on the street (as a true " knight" should be)? Doesn't he think himself better than the mundanes he meets?

Focus all of his annoying virtuous behavior, all his courtesy, consideration, honor, honesty, on his weekend games, and make him completely oblivious to any good behavior towards anyone not connected with the SCA.

Of course this must be done gradually, but when you have achieved it, you can even begin to let this sort of attitude encroach onto the SCA itself. Make him chivalrous only at events; but the gate guards aren't really at the events, and Friday nights don't count, and that person isn't so important, and so on, and so on. All while thinking of himself as a " parfait gentile knight" . Eminently satisfying!

Your affectionate uncle,

Screwtape

New Shire Officer

I'm the new Acting Chronicler of the Shire of Ravenslake. Allessandra and I will be doing the work together. We're going to put together a shire newsletter. I hope it has the effect in the shire that I hope for.

Great Party

We were at an excellent, if overcrowded, party at Maggie & Alexander's last night. It was great re-connecting with my squires -- both of whom were there -- and planning a group outing from the shire to Illiton's Rite of Spring in April. If we can all get on the same page, we may pull off something really cool.

Shire meeting this afternoon. Looks like Allessandra & I will be the new Chroniclers.

Screwtapes' SCA Letters, viii

My Dear Wormwood,

I see that you've met with some limited success in striving to focus your patient on his ambition to become Count Gray's squire. You now have him emulating other squires' foolish playful behavior as though it were the duty of a squire-aspirant, much like a fraternity pledge.

Your effort to make him constantly obsequious to Count Gray, and always underfoot has failed, but you have responded well. He is now engaged in the peculiar practice of following the knight around specifically in order to not help him. While you are about this, don't forget to prompt him to tease anyone who actually might assist the Count with his armor or pavilion as a " brown-noser" .

This may prove a successful tack. You have him paying lip-service to the ideals while not actually practicing any of them. Just remember to keep it all in moderation.

Then of course there is the matter of him actually annoying Count Gray. Whenever the Count begins to play his role in a ceremonious fashion, " putting on his hat" , so to speak, your man, sooner or later, in private or even in public, will be there to tease him about becoming arrogant or trying to grab attention. Count Gray will laugh at these jibes, but it will begin to chafe him; he has an ego like any other.

But it is worth-while to consider what the enemy may do. Were it I opposing you, I would encourage the Count to take your man out to the field to properly get his attention again, then put him on probation for a month or so, to see if his conduct can improve. At the successful completion of this time, I'd have the Count make him a squire in order to better focus his attention on his conduct. Count Gray is the sort to enforce constant effort to attain an ideal until those efforts are a habit, and your man will never be satisfied unless he has done his best to be the best and most virtuous knight he can be.

Your response to this, should it come about, must be to try to undermine your man's commitment. Whisper in his ear of how little he's enjoying his virtuous behavior, even before he's begun. Get him to question how much he really even wants to be a squire, at least Count Gray's. There are many other knights, you can tell him, who would be honored to have him for a squire. Remind him of the foolishness he has lately so enjoyed; wouldn't he rather be doing that now? In short, get him to reject his goal altogether, or at least waiver enough to fail his probationary period.

It's completely unfair that even in these times, our enemy has bred secular pursuits that are so conducive and rewarding of his spiritual standards.

Your affectionate uncle,

Screwtape